


Ho Ho Ho.

by ibelieveinturtles



Series: Donuts in My Bra and Other Stories [23]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baking, Christmas, Darcy Lewis is a troll, Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Mutual Pining, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Photoshop, Post-HYDRA Reveal, but friends to lovers in the continuation I'll never write, but less pining and more snarking, dlchristmas18, okay so i wrote the continuation, prompts, taserbones, triple agent brock rumlow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2019-09-23 10:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17078672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinturtles/pseuds/ibelieveinturtles
Summary: Unauthorised use of Photoshop





	1. Smile! It's Christmas!

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2018 Darcy Lewis Holiday Challenge.
> 
> Day 1 prompt: Santa Baby
> 
> Rated mature for swearing  
> This an AU of uncertain description but the whole (SHIELD) gang's here!

 

 

* * *

 

 

Darcy was bored.

With only a week to go until Christmas, Jane had unexpectedly decided to close up the lab and go on holidays with Thor to somewhere sunnier and warmer, leaving Darcy all alone.

It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything to do. There was lots to do - data entry, data analysis, working on her thesis, baking, shopping, spend time with her cousin… Yep, Darcy had plenty of things to do and no desire to do any of them. She had no desire to do anything even remotely effort related right now.

She was about to turn her computer off and sneak home early when the STRIKE Team made their way down the corridor.

One of her favourite activities was watching STRIKE strut past the labs every day. She didn't know what strings had been pulled, but her cousin had somehow managed to have the route changed. Today, most of them were fully kitted out in their tac gear but bringing up the rear, several of them were wearing the slightly-less-intimidating publicity outfits topped off with Santa and Elf hats.

Resting her chin on her hand, Darcy was happily admiring the view when she gradually became aware that one of the bodies had stopped moving and turned to face the window. Reluctantly she dragged her eyes away from Agent Kawalski's ass to meet the disapproving gaze of the STRIKE Commander. Right behind him was his 2IC, Jack, with a rare smirk on his face. Jack found the whole thing hilarious, especially after Darcy once complained that it wasn't fair that STRIKE's best ass belonged to the team's biggest asshole.

Darcy felt all the joy drain right out of her. Great. From admiring asses to dealing with an asshole in two point five seconds flat. What right did he have to be so judgy about her when the only other STRIKE member that talked to her eyes instead of her boobs was Jack. She sat up straight, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and took another long, deliberate look at Kawalski's assets. Flashing what she hoped was a ‘fuck you, I'll ogle whoever I damn well want’ look at the Commander, she went back to her work.

When she cautiously peeked past her screen a minute or so later the corridor was empty. Almost empty. Standing up for a better look, she saw a lone Santa Hat lying forgotten on the floor. After making sure no one was lingering, she dashed out to pick it up.

And then she had an idea.

* * *

  
The first hint Brock had that Something Was Up, was the sidelong glances and increased murmuring from the secretaries when he went to drop in the squad reports and requisition forms to Rosie, the STRIKE liaison. He was used to the looks and whispers - Helen Cho's Cradle had reduced his burn scars significantly but hadn't been able to completely heal him - but there was a significant difference in today’s tone.

Today, there were giggles.

While he wasn't the type to be paranoid about this kind of thing it wasn't a hard decision to drop his paperwork off in person instead of using the mail cubicles.

He knocked on Rosie's door.

“Hey, Rosie. I got you a Christmas present,” he joked, dropping the folder onto Rosie's in-tray.

“Wow, thanks.” She cast him a dark look as she tapped away at her keyboard.

“Hey, ah. Do you know what's going on out there?”

Rosie stopped typing and looked up at him, eyebrows raised. “You haven't seen them?”

“Seen what?”

“Oh dear,” Rosie said, her face looking like it wanted to laugh and frown at the same time. “Go and take a look at the notice board outside the cafeteria.”

“The notice board?”

She nodded firmly. “Just- when you see it - please, remember - it's Christmas and everyone wants to live to see their families.”

“What?” Brock was starting to feel equally concerned and curious.

“Just go. Go on - shoo!”

He left the office, mind set on his new destination.  
  
Five minutes later he was standing outside the cafeteria with several other people, staring at the main notice board.

There were several photographs pinned to it. Including his. Brock stared at them for a long minute, then turned to the person next to him. It was one of the secretaries.

“Do you know anything about this?”

“They were there when we got in this morning,” she replied with only the tiniest of flinches.

“Who did it?”

She shook her head. “I’ve got no idea.”

Brock studied her for a minute, then turned back to the pictures.

Photographs of every member of his STRIKE Team, as well as Romanoff, Barton, Barnes, Hill, Carter, and Rogers were pinned to the corkboard. For the most part the pictures were official I.D. headshots but several had obviously been sourced from… other places. Every single one of them had something seasonal photoshopped over them.

The entire STRIKE team was wearing reindeer antlers.

Cap and Co. were all sporting Santa or elf hats.

Jack had an elf’s hat photoshopped onto his head and a small balloon with the words ‘Smile! It’s Christmas’ in it.

His picture...his half naked picture… had a Santa hat. And a white beard. And the words ‘Ho Ho Ho.’  
  


* * *

 

 

 


	2. Candy Canes and Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well that escalated quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Snowball
> 
> So, I wasn't going to continue this one but inspiration hit me… 
> 
> Synonyms for snowball (verb: increase): escalate, heighten, intensify, multiply, proliferate

 

* * *

 

Darcy scowled as she read the email. Who would have thought Commander Asshat was so thin skinned?

‘Inappropriate use of staff photos,’ the email said. ‘Culprit will be disciplined,’ it continued. Blah, blah, blah. Etc. etc. etc. The man obviously had no sense of humour, because the general consensus regarding the pictures was that they were great. Especially the one of the Commander. Some of the comments she'd overheard from HR were definitely sexual harassment material, except HR were the ones saying them.

Glancing up at the clock she realised it was almost lunch time. Drumming her fingers on the desk, she read the email again. Then she opened and reread a different email. It simply said ‘Nice job, Squirt. Let me know if you need anything else.’

She chewed on her thumb as she considered her options, then sent a reply that simply said ‘Hit me up, cuz. Everything you’ve got, please.’

Clicking send, she logged off, grabbed her phone and purse, and headed for the cafeteria for lunch.

Ten minutes after she sat down with Maria and Sharon, the STRIKE team arrived. They were all in casual clothes today, but she almost spat her drink out when she realised nearly half of them were sporting reindeer headbands.

“Holy fuck!” she gasped, and promptly started coughing as a drop of juice went down the wrong way.

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

Maria started thumping her on the back and Sharon reached for a glass of water.

“Turn around,” she wheezed out between bouts of coughing.

They turned around.

“Oh, my god,” Sharon snorted.

At the very back of the group, Commander No Sense of Humour was holding a pile of partially scrunched up paper that he dropped into the nearest trash can even as Darcy looked on.

Before she could turn back to her lunch he looked up and straight at her. The frown on his face deepened and he headed towards her, Jack trailing behind him.

Panic welled up in her chest. He couldn’t have found out already, she thought. It was impossible.

Before she could do anything he was there.

“You found out who did it yet?” The comment was directed at Maria and Darcy almost collapsed onto her plate with relief.

“I don’t know why it’s an issue,” Maria replied. “It hasn’t hurt anyone - in fact I’ve seen a distinct increase in morale and general good humour since they went up.”

“It was inappropriate,” he snapped back. “A misuse of official S.H.I.E.L.D. resources, and-”

“Oh, get over yourself, Brock,” Sharon chimed in. “It was harmless. You could take a lead from your team and get with the program. It’s Christmas.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,”  Jack said. Darcy looked at him properly for the first time and grinned. He was wearing an elf hat. “Candy cane anyone?”  he asked, holding  out a bucket. 

“No fair, Jack. You know I can’t resist these things,” Darcy said as a ll three women helped themselves.

“Why d’ya think I’m offerin’, Darce?” Jack winked at her.

“Would you quit it with the damn candy canes?” Rumlow grumbled at his 2IC. He turned back to Maria. “It made STRIKE look ridiculous. I’ve taken them down,” he told her.

Darcy snorted.

“You got something to say?” Rumlow demanded.

Darcy pasted a smile on her face and looked up from the candy cane she was unwrapping.

“More ridiculous than that?” She waved the candy cane at where the reindeer-antler-bedecked STRIKE was lining up for their lunch. “I can’t believe you’re letting your reindeer run around without you, Santa. Chill out, dude. It’s Christmas. Also, what have you got against candy canes?” She pulled the last of the wrapping from the one in her hand and waved it in front of him. “They’re delicious.”

“I don’t eat sugar,” he said.

Darcy tipped her head to one side, giving him her most pitying look as she stood up. “Aw, no wonder you’re so miserable all the time,” she said.

“I’m not miserable.”

“Could have fooled me.” She smiled at him sweetly, stuck the candy in her mouth, and left, snagging Jack’s bucket as she waltzed past him. 

“I want that bucket back, Darce!” he called after her but she ignored him.

She’d just had another idea.

* * *

  
Brock had reached a dead end trying to find out who was responsible for the photos. No one wanted to help him find out, either. The entire STRIKE team had taken the idea and run with it - Kawalski and O’Neill had left a Santa costume on his desk; Williams and Martinez brought the reindeer antler things in and Jack - well, Jack thought the whole thing was hilarious and he’d laughed for a solid five minutes behind the safety of a locked office door where no one could see him.

Running his hands through his hair, Brock wondered if he should just concede defeat and go with the flow. He picked up the Santa hat and stared at it. It would be nice to prove Lewis wrong, he thought. How dare she accuse him of being miserable all the time!

His laptop chimed with an incoming email. Tossing the hat to one side, he clicked on the email... and froze.

What. The actual. Fuck.

He scrolled.

And scrolled.

And scrolled.

Then he scrolled all the way back up and started again, studying each picture as it rolled across his screen.

More fucking photoshopped pictures.

Candy canes and guns… although to be more accurate it was candy canes _instead of_ guns.

By the time he scrolled back the top again Brock was fuming. He slammed his laptop closed and then opened it again straight away.

“Goddamn fucking hell.”

“You okay in here?” Jack poked his head through the doorway.

“Do you know anything about this?” Brock spun the laptop around for Jack to look at.

Jack scrolled through the pictures, shaking his head.

“If I was any part of this, you wouldn't be the only shirtless wonder in it. Why don't I get the shirtless Santa treatment?”

“What?” Brock blinked, and Jack chuckled.

“I know you're not the only person who parades around the locker room without a shirt on, so how come you're the only one whose shirtless pictures got the photoshop treatment? Whoever did this,” Jack indicated the laptop, “seems to have a thing for _you_.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da, da, da, daaaah… to be continued…


	3. Bah Humbug!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brock's an asshole, Darcy thinks sugar would help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Effervescent thanks for a stellar beta'ing job by Zephrbabe. This wouldn't be quite the same without your invaluable input.

Bah Humbug!

* * *

Brock gaped at Jack for a moment and then laughed. It was a short, sharp, mirthless laugh.

“You’re delusional,” he told Jack, closing the laptop lid again. “Whoever’s doing this is trying to humiliate me and I’m gonna put a stop to it.”

He stood, picking his laptop up and shoving it roughly into its carry case.

Jack shook his head. “Or maybe it’s just Christmas and they’re having a bit of fun?”

“By making STRIKE look ridiculous?” Brock snapped.

Jack sighed heavily, leaning against the office door. “No one except you is thinking that. Half of us were wearing Santa hats for our hospital visit the other day. You didn’t think it was ridiculous then.”

“Just ‘cause I didn’t say anything doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking it,” Brock growled. “ _That_ was a publicity stunt. One I didn’t approve of. _Or_ participate in.”

“Maybe you’d feel better if you found a bit of Christmas spirit. Join in the festivities. Eat something other than fucking kale and protein shakes. It’ll all be over in a few more days anyway.”

“I think I’ll pass.” He snatched his phone off the desk and slung the bag over his shoulder. Time to get this sorted out properly.

Jack backed out of the door as Brock pushed past, falling in beside him as he strode along the corridor. “So what _are_ you gonna do then?”

“I’m going to I.T.  They can backtrack the sender. Then I’m gonna make them regret making a fool out of me.”

“What if it’s someone out of your jurisdiction?” Jack asked, and Brock whirled on his 2IC.

“No one’s out of my jurisdiction,” he fumed. “I’m the goddamn fucking STRIKE Commander and third in command of this facility. Whoever this is - they’re really gonna regret fucking with me.” He turned and stormed down the corridor again.

Two strides later he realised Jack wasn't beside him anymore. He stopped and turned.

“I still think she's into you,” Jack said.

“She?” Brock stomped back to Jack, standing toe to toe. “Do you know something?” he demanded.

Jack held his hands out defensively. “Sure, I know lots of things. Nothing about this,” he added hastily, “but- all the clues are right there, man. Maybe you need to stop thinking with your personality and start thinking with your dick for five minutes.”

If Brock had been drinking he would have sprayed it all over Jack. “What?”

Jack tipped his head towards the laptop bag. “Take another look at the pictures before you go getting anyone else involved. Think like the cunning pussyhound you used to be, instead of the bitter old asshole you've become.”

Brock stared at Jack, turning the idea over in his head.

“I'm not an asshole,” he protested as an afterthought.

Jack laughed. “You’ve always been an asshole.”

 

* * *

 

The only problem with the email she sent, Darcy realised later, was that the only people left to see it were essential personnel, on-call agents, and permanent residents. The facility had emptied rapidly Friday afternoon as non-essential staff left for the festive season.

By Christmas Eve the only people left were the Avengers and a few support staff.

Including one very irate Commander Miserable.

He’d sent another email blathering on about inappropriateness, severe ramifications, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and a copy paste of the section on bullying from the Code of Conduct.

She’d also received a more positive email from her super secret accomplice, including a suggestion for her next trick.

Taking all criticism onboard, Darcy spent the whole weekend planning her next move, and when Christmas Eve Day dawned there was a new screensaver on every computer - and television screen - in the entire complex. It was a slideshow containing exactly one picture each of Commander Santa, the STRIKE Reindeer, and Avenger Elves.

Then she hacked into the P.A. system and linked it to her Spotify. Everyone would be listening to her Christmas playlist today, whether they wanted to or not.

After a quick stroll through the main building to make sure the music was working everywhere, she headed to the main common area to see if Sharon, Natasha, and Maria wanted any help with their baking.

“Hey, ladies!” she sang out as she entered the room. “What’s cooking?”

“So far we have shortbread, mince pies, coconut ice, White Christmas, three pavlova shells, and pudding cupcakes are in the oven.” Natasha rattled off the list of baked and refrigerated goods. “Steve and Bucky did their fruit cake last week; STRIKE did fudge, iced sugar cookies, and M&M Christmas cookie bars yesterday, and we found half a dozen random panetones when we came in this morning. We just need to do the gingerbread, truffles, and roll the Yum Yum balls in coconut.”

“Ooh, can I do the Yum Yum balls?”

A short time later, Darcy was all set up rolling the balls in coconut while the others worked on the gingerbread when Commander Grinch trudged in, followed closely by ~~his dog, Max~~ Jack.

“-and I wish someone would turn this fucking noise off,” Rumlow was grumbling as the pair walked through the door. “It’s giving me a headache.”

“I like it,” Jack demurred. “It’s really putting me in the mood. Ladies.” He nodded at the gathered women with a wink. Darcy rolled her eyes at him but Sharon smiled back while Natasha and Maria continued rolling out gingerbread dough.

“Hey, Darce. Where’s my bucket?” he asked, tapping her on the shoulder.

“I haven't finished with it yet,” she replied, elbowing him in the ribs, “but you can have some cookies. They’re your favourite.” Darcy pointed a coconut covered finger at a plate of shortbread.

“Don’t mind if I do, thanks.” Jack took a handful of treats before wandering off to watch the slideshow on the big screen in the lounge area.

“What - you’re not gonna offer me anything?”

Darcy looked sideways at Rumlow, then pointed at the plate of fudge. “Have some fudge - it'll totally help with that headache you've got.”

“I don't eat sugar,” he grumbled.

She shrugged and flashed him a grin. “Oh, yeah. I forgot. Oops.”

Turning away, she finished rolling the last ball, set it on the plate, and then began the business of removing the chocolatey coconut from her fingers with teeth and tongue. First: her thumbs.

“I still need something to counter the headache this goddamn noise is giving me,” Rumlow muttered.

She rolled her eyes as she started on the fingers on her right hand - forefinger.

“It’s not noise - it's Christmas songs,” she said around a mouthful of finger.

Middle finger.

“They’re cheerful-”

Ring finger.

“-and jolly.”

Little finger.

“You know - gotta set the mood and everything.”

Repeat on the left hand.

“I don’t need any moods set. I just need some peace and quiet where I don’t have to look at those damn pictures or listen to this goddamn wailing and screeching.”

Darcy removed the last finger from her mouth, grabbed a damp cloth from the sink to finish cleaning her hands with, and turned to face the Commander. He was staring at her, dark eyes glowering beneath furrowed eyebrows, mouth slightly open as if he was about to speak. A shiver snaked its way up her spine. Something flickered deep in his eyes and then his whole face twisted into an expression so dark, it made Jack’s usual face look like Shirley Temple. She narrowed her eyes at him. She was so done with his bullshit. All she wanted was to enjoy Christmas and he kept showing up with his damned shitty attitude, spoiling everything.

“You know what? All year you mope around like someone cut your dick off, and now you’re ruining Christmas ‘cause you’re a miserable fucking bastard who wouldn’t know how to be happy if it hit you in your pretty face. You’re a fucking Scrooge.”

She was vaguely aware that behind the counter all movement had stopped and three faces were regarding her with varying expressions of horror, amusement, and puzzlement.

She slid down off the barstool and stomped into his personal space. “So you can go fuck yourself, Brock Rumlow. I like the music. I like the pictures. I had fun making them. They made a lot of people smile and I don’t regret doing it _at all_. So why don’t you take your Grinchy attitude and fuck off so the rest of us can enjoy ourselves.”

She could see the crow’s feet form as his eyes narrowed and she realised what she’d just said.

“Oh, fuck.”

She fled.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go... okay, maybe 2 or 3


	4. Christmas is a Time For Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brock gets all the bombs dropped on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***ATTENTION***
> 
> The previous three chapters have had some edits in the last week or so and I highly recommend you go back and reread them before you read this chapter!
> 
> I'll wait...
> 
> Okay, now that you've done that... I've had the bulk of these last two chapters written for months but I finally knuckled down and sorted my shit out. Huge thanks to Zephrbabe for once again helping turn a mess into something coherent.

* * *

 

 

While it was true that Brock  _ did _ have a headache, it wasn’t really as bad as he was making out. The music was definitely annoying though and he couldn’t resist seizing the opportunity to needle Lewis. If he had to suffer, then so could she. All she ever seemed to do was find ways to irritate him.

And then she started licking her fingers and something bypassed his brain and headed straight for his pants. 

So it was surprising that he realised what she said before she did.

And even more surprising that it took him so long to react after she disappeared through the door.

She'd called his face pretty. And confessed to being the mystery photoshopper. But she'd called his face pretty. Dawning realization crept over him. Maybe… maybe Jack was right.

He was off his chair and halfway through the door, almost crashing into Rogers as the other man wandered in, a confused frown creasing his face as he sucked on a bottle of something green. Before Brock could disappear through the gap, Barnes appeared, completely blocking the exit.

“Does anyone know why Darcy was running away from here so fast she ran into me coming around the corner? She said something about hiding from the Grinch?” Rogers asked. His face lit up then, and his voice took on an eagerness. “Are we playing themed hide and seek? Can I be Rudolph?”

Barnes snorted, but didn't say anything.

"Nah," Jack said, trying to hold back laughter. “Scrooge McDuck here started complaining about the Christmas music so Darcy told him off. She, uh- also accidentally confessed to being our mystery photoshopper. It's funny, ya know, cos they hate each other's guts but also, they really wanna get each other naked.”

"Oh, that old chestnut?" Rogers said, dropping his empty bottle in the sink. "Does that mean they're finally gonna do something about it?"

"What?" Brock said, pausing again on his way out the door. 

Jack sighed. "Buddy, I told you three days ago our mystery photoshopper was into you. Now are you gonna go do something about it or are you gonna keep pulling her pigtails and pretending she's your arch enemy?"

“You told me you didn't know anything about the pictures-”

Jack shrugged and reached for another cookie. "Thought you could tell when I was lying by now."

Brock rubbed a hand across his stubble. Was his headache getting worse or was it just stress?

"Oh for goodness sake, just go talk to her," Natasha interjected. "Go on, we know you want to."

"Where the hell do you think I'm going?" he snapped.

"Don't forget to apologise!" Sharon called after him.

"Good luck!" Maria added.

* * *

 

Darcy fled down the hall. All her pent up annoyance and anger had melted away the moment she realised she’d outed herself as the mystery photoshopper and now she was struggling to control the urge to just… laugh. Madly. The look on his face. Like - his ears had heard and understood what she said but his brain hadn’t quite caught up - or was in denial.

Oh gods, she was in so much trouble now. She tripped over her own feet, stumbled hard against the wall and righted herself. A snort of laughter escaped her. Fuck but it felt good to tell him off like that though.

She slid around the corner, colliding with an unexpected wall of muscle.

“Oops! Sorry, Steve!” she cried out. "Hi, Bucky!" she added, spotting his companion.

"Hi, doll."

Steve reached out to steady her. “You okay there, Darce?”

She nodded firmly and a wave of giggles burst out of her. Taking a deep breath she gained a moment of control. 

“Yep. All good. Everything's fine,” she replied, giving him two thumbs up before clapping a hand over her mouth in an effort to contain the giggles that threatened to escape again. “Gotta go hide before the Grinch comes looking for me! Seeya later!”

She sped down the corridor, no destination in mind other than getting as far away as possible from Commander Probably-Gonna-Kick-Her-Ass. She turned another corner, and another, and then realised she’d instinctively headed towards the laboratories. A quick glance behind her revealed no signs of pursuit and she stopped, one hand resting on her hip as she puffed from the unaccustomed exercise. The last few giggles bubbled out of her and disappeared just as suddenly as her anger. Leaning against the wall, she breathed in deeply, held it for a moment, and then let it all out slowly. 

Eyes closed, she stood there, feeling her heart thud in time with the admittedly very obnoxious Christmas song currently playing over the P.A. system. Maybe Commander Obnoxious had a point - this song would give anyone a headache. 

With a sigh, she pushed off the wall and continued down to the lab. It didn’t take long to boot up her computer and a short time later the music stopped. Next she hacked into the email server and deleted every copy of her last email from the entire system. After a long minute of debate, she decided to leave the slideshow running for now.

With that taken care of, she shut it all down again and headed for her room. She was pretty sure she had a bottle of something sweet and yummy stashed in her closet, and Netflix had an excellent selection of Christmas cheer to drown herself in.

Turning the final corner she came to an abrupt halt. Commander Grinch was pacing the corridor in front of her door, customary glower glued to his face. She'd barely taken half a step backwards when he turned and saw her. Dammit. Well, she was gonna get told off sooner or later so may as well get it over and done with.

She pasted an 'I don't care what you think' grin on her face and sauntered forward. 

"Commander. Fancy seeing you in this neck of the woods. You get lost?"

"No. I came to see you," he said, straightening up and folding his arms across his chest. With a put-upon sigh, Darcy rolled her eyes, refusing to be distracted by his biceps. Fancy accosting a girl right outside her own home like this. This was supposed to be her safe haven. 

"Fine," she said. "How much trouble am I in?" She tried to keep her tone nonchalant, as if she didn't really care.

"Depends on what you call trouble, I guess," he replied. 

"Look, I turned the music off and I deleted every copy of that last email off the servers, okay? No one else is gonna see it." She moved to her door, slipping her keycard in the slot to unlock it. "Now if you don't mind, I'm just gonna lock myself in my room and stay out of your way for the rest of my life."

"That's not why I'm here," he said, rubbing at his chin with one hand.

Hand resting on her doorknob, she turned back towards him. The way he looked at her made her nervous but also sent a shiver up her spine.

"You just said I wasn't in trouble."

"No," he said, stepping closer to her, "I said it depends on what you call trouble"

"Running out of Pop Tarts when Jane's in the middle of a science bender," she said promptly. "That's what I call trouble."

"Can you be serious for five minutes?" he snapped, hands dropping to his hips. "Jack just dropped a very interesting bombshell in the kitchen and I wanna-"

"Or you could try not being serious for five minutes and actually try to enjoy yourself for a change," Darcy retorted. "Dude, I'm sick of your shitty attitude. Can we just like, ignore each other until Christmas is over?"

"What the hell is your problem with me?" he burst out. "What the fuck have I ever done to you?"

Darcy took a deep breath. Twice in one day was too much. "I thought I already covered everything but in case you missed it - you grump around here glowering at everyone all the time. You terrify the new recruits - not to mention the rest of the staff - and you make no effort at all to be a part of anything. There, you understand now?"

"So? Barnes is exactly the same and you don't seem to have any problems with him. What's so different?"

"Because Bucky never had a choice and you did!" she snapped, hand dropping from the doorknob and stabbing at his chest with her finger as she stepped into his personal space for the second time that afternoon. "You," -stab- "chose to do what you did. Then you dragged my favourite cousin in with you and I came  _ this close _ ," -stab, stab- "to losing him forever! If it wasn't for you," -stab- "I wouldn't have spent four years not knowing if Jack was dead or alive because he cut off all contact with us for no reason!" -stab, stab- "So you tell me - why  _ shouldn't _ I have a problem," -stab- "with," -stab- "you?" -stab-

"Okay, firstly - I  _ didn't _ have a fucking choice, okay? I was neck-deep before I realised what was going on. There's only one way out once they sink their hooks into you and I wasn't ready to die. Secondly, Jack recruited  _ me _ , and thirdly - Jack's your cousin?"

Darcy stopped and stared, mouth open as his words swept the wind out of her sails. She felt as though she’d just been punched in the gut. She latched onto the easiest thing to deal with. "You didn't know?"

"No."

"That's not what he just told you in the kitchen?" She took a step back, hand dropping to her side.

"No."

"Okay. Right. Okay. Cool. It's all cool. Everything's fine." She whirled around, popped her door open, slid inside and slammed the door shut.

Leaning against the door she stared up at the ceiling, trying to gather her thoughts. Oh, gods. This changed everything. She wasn't entirely sure how it all changed but it definitely changed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *le gasp*


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you kiss and make up if you aren’t even a couple yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a couple of days ago but I got busy. Anyway, enjoy the final chapter!
> 
> Thanks to Zephrbabe for her stellar betaing 💖😘💟

 

* * *

 

 

Brock stared at the door. Somehow, this whole confrontation hadn't gone the way he'd expected, but the revelation that Jack and Darcy were related explained a lot. He'd always known they knew each other but he'd assumed it was, well- a completely different kind of relationship.

And it put a whole new spin on everything. 

Something loosened in his chest.

This was so much better.

Raising one hand he hesitated for a moment, then rapped smartly three times.

No answer.

He knocked again.

Still nothing. Part of him wanted to leave but if he gave up now he'd never hear the end of it.

He knocked for a third time. “I know you're in there, Lewis.”

“No, I'm not! Go away!”

“I just wanna talk.”

“Nope!”

“C'mon. Just - gimme five minutes. Please."

"Don't you think we've done enough talking for one day?"

Brock leaned against the door, trying to figure out his next move. Somehow, he had to convince her to open the door again so he could make his apology. Rubbing his hand over his face, he considered the situation.

He needed to apologise but now he felt he needed to provide an explanation as well. He took a moment to curse Jack for putting him in this predicament. A dozen words from Jack at any time could have prevented this whole predicament. On both sides.

Putting those thoughts aside, he plowed on. 

"No, I don't," he replied. "I think we've still got a lot to talk about, actually."

"Like what?"

"Can I come in? I'd rather not do this through a door."

"Whatever you've got to say, you can say it from there."

Right. This was not going to plan- except he hadn't planned anything, had he? And she wasn't gonna open the door for him so he might as well go ahead.

“Darcy. I’m sorry.”

There was no response but that was okay. He kept going.

“I’m sorry I’m an asshole. I’m sorry I let you think I don’t like you. I’m sorry I over reacted about the pictures. They, ah - they were pretty good, actually.”

Her voice was slightly muffled through the door but he could understand her clearly enough.

“Bullshit. I deliberately did them as badly as I could. Especially the second lot. Why are you doing this?”

“That’s the bit you’re taking notice of here? What I think of your photoshopping?”

“I'm a sucker for praise, okay? Also, I'm all about the easy option right now. Now can you please say something assholish so I can be mad at you again?”

Brock took a deep breath.

“I don’t hate you.”

The door opened and blue eyes glared at him. They were a lot less icy this time and there were little dots of colour in her cheeks.

“Huh,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You could’ve fooled me - oh, wait! You did! You wanna know how? Because you glare at me like I’m your arch-fucking-enemy all the time!” 

“It’s not hate, it’s jealousy!” he snapped. “What I hate is that you’re always looking at other guys like I wish you’d look at me.” 

“Excuse me?” She was looking at him again now, eyes wide, cheeks fully flushed, one hand on the door frame, the other perched on her hip. “Are you saying you actually like me? Like, _like_ like me?”

“What am I? A fucking teenager?"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

Okay, all or nothing. This was it. Go hard or go home. Even if he felt like a complete idiot saying it.

Yes,” he said. “Yes, I _like_ like you. A lot.”

His words seemed to hang in the air for a moment as she stared at him, eyes widening even further.

“Holy shit,” she said. “I was not expecting that.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say?” He was suddenly feeling more nervous than he’d felt in a very long time. Not even coming within a hair's breadth of death as a triple agent had made his stomach churn like this.

“What else do you want me to say?” Her tone was offhand, casual.

“That you like me too?”

“Whatever gives you that idea?” The indignation in her voice didn’t sound anywhere near as authentic as her earlier anger. And she wasn’t looking at him anymore. She was looking everywhere _but_ at him. And she was biting her bottom lip.

Gotcha.

“Remember that bombshell I said Jack dropped in the kitchen?” 

Her eyes narrowed and flicked up to meet his. "Yes?"

"His exact words were 'they hate each other's guts but also, they really wanna get each other naked.'"

“Why, that low-down, traitorous-” the string of names she called Jack were some of the most colourful Brock had ever heard. “He is so feeling the business end of my taser next time I see him,” she finished.

“So, it’s true then?” Brock gave her his best winning smile. No way would she have reacted like that if it wasn’t.

Which led him to the logical conclusion. Kiss and make up.

Could you kiss and make up if you weren’t even a couple yet? 

She took a deep breath and raised her eyes back to his. His breath caught in his throat at the look of want shining in her eyes. She stood up straight, stepped towards him, placed one hand on his shoulder and rose on tiptoe until her lips were right next to his ear. The lingering smells of chocolate and coconut filled his head, and he lifted a hand to her waist. 

“Just so we’re clear,” she said in a low voice, “if this is all one big prank to get me back for those photos, you will also feel the business end of my taser.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied, turning his head to capture her lips with his own.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lookit me, finishing a thing! Thanks for all the love 💖

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself laugh so hard when I started putting various Christmas hats etc on pictures of Frank Grillo. Then I wrote this. I've posted some of the other pics I did in the Darcyland server.
> 
> I would have liked more STRIKE members for this collage but hard to find on mobile. *shrugs*
> 
> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)


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